Aw man, I just remembered the shitty dream that ruined my morning. No wonder I’ve been feeling iffy about going to bed tonight.
(I don’t want to desribe it because it was gross and I can’t put under a cut on mobile, but you know that brother with the faces from Repo: the genetic opera? Similar stuff was involved.)
I think the Ravenclaw motto should be caw caw motherfuckers
I vote we change them all
hiss hiss motherfuckers
roar roar motherfuckers
is the one for hufflepuff missing cause they’re too polite to say motherfucker or cause nobody knows what a badger sounds like?
nobody has heard the hufflepuff war cry and survived
Mom and baby bat.
"I’m so sorry."
"THE MIDWEST HAS CEASED TO EXIST"
Can we pay attention to the one that called Canada Big Scotland? with polar bears
SCOTLAND WITH POLAR BEARS
I like that New Hampshire made it onto most of these but in some really weird places.
REMINDER THAT IF YOUR GRAVY IS TOO SALTY,YOU CAN THROW A RAW, PEELED POTATO INTO IT FOR 20 MINUTES TO SOAK THAT FUCKERY RIGHT OUT!
Photographer Tom Hunter recreates classic paintings in modern, post industrial British settings.
feelings are weird I vote we burn them
So tomorrow I have one 1 1/2 hour shift on the train, followed by three hours in the restaurant and a 4-hour shift in the deli.
I’m actually a bit excited about the train thing- it’ll be stressful, but hopefully fun. The only other time I’ve been on a train was the one that goes up Mt. Washington.
The restaurant shift I’m not at all looking forward to. The clientele will likely be a ton of kids and their parents/guardians, and tbh I’m trying to steel myself against the inevitable flood of “your food is too expensive!” and “we got train tickets, we deserve a discount!” and children knocking over and breaking all those expensive things we have on the ice cream counter/upstairs, and. The French Canadians, god.
The deli shift won’t be too bad. I mean yeah, it’s with my least-favorite coworker, buuut hopefully she’ll leave early (as she often does) and leave me to get things done slowly, in peace, as I often do. We may get a little rush from people coming into town from the train, we’ll see.
TL;DR, tomorrow looks to be somewhat trying and I won’t have a day off for five days, so we’ll see what happens.
10. Thou shalt not be rude, for thou art being rude to a person, not a machine.
9. Thou shalt contain thine children, for they are a hazard to staff and themselves.
8. Thou shalt not sexually harass thine server, for it really isn’t endearing. It makes you a douche.
7. Thou shalt order when ready, and not maketh thine server wait for your undeciding ass.
6. Thou shalt understand that “Please Wait to Be Seated” means wait by the host stand, it does not mean seat thineself.
5. Thou shalt not eateth thine entire meal, then declare it to be terrible. Thine server checks back for a reason, dumbass.
4. Thou shalt read the menu, and order from it.
3. Thou shalt not leave a huge mess behind when leaving, filthy swine.
2. Thou shalt not asketh thine server to sing a birthday song, for it’s sad and desperate and a pain in the ass.
1. Thou shalt tip appropriately. 15% - 20% for decent service. Less than that and thine service was truly bad, or thou art destined for the lake of fire after drowning in thine toilet due to karma, bastard.
This sort of thing should be posted in every restaurant.
10) Thou shalt not be rude, for thou art being rude to a person, not a machine.
9) Thou shalt contain thine children, for they make a huge mess and somebody has to clean it up - causing thine prices to be higher.
8) Thou shalt not touch the associates, for thou art likely creepy and they do not want thine hands on them.
7) Thou shalt hang up thine phone at the register, rude ass, for none wish to hear of your dinner, or of whom Jeanine is humping.
6) Thou shalt not ask for further discounts, for thine cashier cannot give them to you.
5) Thou shalt not give thine cashier a $100 just after opening and then get angry when they do not have change. It’s a store, not a bank.
4) Thou shalt not scream at thine cashier for not giving you credit for coupons still in your purse, for thine cashier is only as clairvoyant as thou art smart.
3) Thou shalt remember that thine cashier has no say in staffing, and remember to yell at managers because of thine wait in line.
2) Thou shalt knoweth thine bank balance before being the customer served. Waiting until thine cashier needs you to pay makes you the worst kind of person. Inconsiderate, rude, and stupid in case it was too complicated to figure out.
1) Thou shalt never, ever say “It must be free then!” no matter how many times thine item doesn’t scan. Because, truly, that’s the most annoying thing in the entire world when every cashier has heard it 434,453,789 times.
Times Square bitches
Lunches here are fairly simple. Get everybody in, get everybody out as quickly as possible. It’s what the guests want, it’s what I want, and I’m sure the restaurant is happy with this arrangement as well.
I wish it would have happened this way today, especially with me on about 2 hours of sleep.
Enter THE VEGANS.
Know the joke “How can you tell if somebody is a vegan? Don’t worry they’ll tell you…” As it turns out it’s less of a joke and more of a warning.
These two sit down and I go greet them. Before I get to the part where I introduce myself as their server…
Fabulous. So I go over our **EXTREMELY** limited vegan menu. Which isn’t good enough.
I’m then handed a long lecture by the lady of the table as to why flesh eaters have no right to eat meat and how BY MERELY BRINGING MEAT & FISH TO TABLES I’m somehow responsible for animal cruelty throughout the world, and how I have NO RIGHT to continue doing it and the restaurant should only be serving vegan foods and it kept going on and on and on and on. I stopped listening early on because the absolute worst method to get people to see your viewpoint is to bludgeon them with it and/or try to make them feel like shit for their choices. I already felt like shit for my choices (2 hours of sleep, showing up to work, not strangling this person early in our interactions, the list goes on) so listening to this crap was even more unnecessary.
She finishes her lecture and just looks at me. The man at the table does the same thing.
And my brain slipped a gear and forgot to filter what I think from what I say.
I looked her dead in the eye and said “Would you like to talk about our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ with me and discuss how He died for our sins so that we may enter heaven upon our death?” To complete my brains defiance over what it should be doing, I pulled the pamphlet out of the last table’s check presenter and handed it to her.
I’d never have to work again if I’d had a picture of the look on her face. It was hysterical. The table next to THE VEGANS were laughing so hard the poor guy shot soda out of his nose.
She looks at me and asks “What the hell? I don’t want to talk about religion with YOU!”
Me: Oh…I thought that’s what we were doing here. My bad.
They got a manager, who got them a different server.
Who promptly got the same lecture. And a 5% tip on a $7 check.
I got a stern talking to about making fun of guests. I figure we should post a warning about what I can be like when I’m sleep deprived.
this is, without a doubt, the greatest response to the unwanted “why you should be vegan you horrible person” lecture that i have ever heard.
cartman clones himself
Cartman takes up meditation.
Cartman turns into a chicken
Cartman finds a little valley
Cartman has a birthday
Cartman becomes a writer
Carman understands something.
Cartman digs himself a hole.
Cartman gets some Japanese currency.